What’s That In Your Hand?

Ever feel unequipped? Ever been thrust something that is so far out of the realms of the familiar that you wonder why is this even happening to me? How can I do this? I think you’ve got the wrong person because I just CANNOT do that!

Yep, this has been my story for the best part of the last year. Being thrown in the deep end, going to and fro between what I can do, should do and want to do. I have learned a few things though. Sometimes you just don’t know what you’re capable of. Sometimes you just don’t know what God is doing in you and through you, until you take a step. 

So in the last year, I’ve watched my little family transform. It has grown in ways I couldn’t have imagined or planned for. We have grown from a little family of 4, to 6 and now to what will soon become a family of 7. Insane? Absolutely. Do I feel equipped? Maybe, sometimes? Throughout this journey I have asked many questions, sometimes many times. Have we made the right decision? Can we do this? Why are we doing this? The list goes on. Self doubt has been a pretty big factor. It’s not a small deal to take on the responsibility of kids that you haven’t grown yourself. I mean, it’s totally fine to make mistakes on the ones I made of course, they’ll be right. Not these ones though. Urgh, am I doing this? I am doing this!

I totally take comfort in the fact that self-doubt is not my thing alone, Moses was also a doubter. See Exodus for proof: Moses answered, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?” Then the Lord said to him, “What is that in your hand?” [Exodus 4:1-2]

What if! That’s one of life’s largest looming questions, isn’t it? What if it turns out all wrong? What if they don’t like me? What if I fail? Sometimes you have to put all those “what if’s” aside and decide to use what’s in your hand. In my experience, it’s always something. What if you succeed and it turns out that you’re greater than you could have ever imagined? What if I didn’t take on these kids because I was too scared that I only had a limited time to love and sow into them and that’s a big risk because there’s every single chance this much love may have to come and go at irregular intervals. What if I love them anyway, anyhow, as much as possible for as long as possible and I do it at every opportunity I am given ,because love is something in my hand, I can always give it.

Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” [Exodus 4:10-12]

I have never, never, in my whole entire life planned on doing or being this. I have never been trained. I have never been very good at that. Honestly, I’ve never had to step out in faith more. And I have found it very comforting that God has met me every single step of the way. Never in my life did I imagine being responsible for so much. I could never have planned for the things life has had in store for me, but the more I go, the more I am learning I am not out on my own, even if sometimes it really has felt like it. It is tempting and totally viable to sit and dwell in what I haven’t done well before, or in some cases EVER at all. Or I can stand up, step out in faith and go with no idea what I may walk into but faith in who I will have to walk with me.

But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.” [Exodus 4:13]

Oh yes. Send someone else. Someone else can do it. Why me? I think at some point this is so true about every person’s response to the experience of being a human. I know some mornings as the alarm rings through the house I think this. It’s so much easier to think someone else should. Responsibility can be a hard thing to take. But God has not chosen someone else. He’s chosen you and he has chosen me. 

Way back when God approached Moses, Moses’ first reaction was, “Who am I?” [Exodus 3:11]  And throught out the last year as I have sat and contemplated the craziness of what we have committed to, it has been brought home to me and I can’t help but think. Who am I not to? I have sat and also contemplated these words by Marianne Williamson…

“Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

Do it, do it with what God has placed in your hand.

The Story of Us

There is something truly captivating about a good book. It can be mystery, romance or suspense that draws us in and keeps us reading, everyone has their own favourite genre, but ultimately we are all wired to be captivated by stories. Perhaps it’s because we all have one; our very own story.

The question I have been asking myself as this year is in its infancy, is this: what story do we want to write? What is the legacy that we will leave for the next generation?

The problem many of us face when we think about a question like this is that we feel trapped by our story. A story has already taken place, it has been written. We feel as though the things that have happened to us in the past will dictate our future.

I believe that we can write the story of 2015 together, afresh, free from the endings that our past would try to write for us.

My dad is a notorious storyteller; over the same stories over and over again usually. However, sometimes the same familiar stories contain just the slightest variations. For example, there is one particular childhood story that I loved to hear my dad recount, the story of my first ride in an aeroplane as a very small child, during which I declared “Daddy, We’re going to twash into the twouds!”

Imagine then my horror, upon hearing this story recounted, no longer featuring my adorable child’s voice piping up, but that of my sister! No, that is my story of cuteness, not hers! It’s interesting how our memories distort our stories over time. Recently I was with my sisters, recalling some of the experiences from our past. I was amazed at how although we had all had the same exact experience, we all remembered it entirely differently and it evoked such a huge range of emotions from each of us. I think a lot of that has to do with the choices we have made. You see, we can’t change the things that have happened to us, but by inviting God into our story, we break the power that those things have to dictate our future.

Lately I’ve been inspired by Psalm 78: “O my people, listen to my teaching. Open your ears to what I am saying, for I will speak to you in parable. I will tell you hidden stories from our past – stories we have heard and know, stories our ancestors handed down to us” (verses 1-3).

When stories are inherited from our family, or things are done to us that are beyond our control, we have no power or choice in them, but we do have the power to find the hidden lesson, the secret concealed within the story.

We also have the power to write the next chapter in our own words and in our own way. If you are like me, you are forever making plans and dreaming of the future. I think it’s such a positive habit to get into; being pro-active about writing the story of our future, a story which is full of the goodness, glory and promises of God.

“Take note of the fortified walls, and tour all the citadels, that you may describe them [tell the story] to future generations. For this is what God is like, He is our God forever and ever, and he will be our guide until we die”. (Psalm 48:13-14)

In particular, we need to be aware of the story that we are writing for the next generation; our children, maybe even their children! I will forever be grateful of the platform built by those who have gone before me, which has enabled me to launch into all that God has planned for me. This platform, my family heritage, my church heritage, my own experiences, has been foundational to me being able to create my own story. It has also made me so aware that as we write our own story, there is a generation waiting, watching and learning from all that we do.

This isn’t always a positive, as the prophet Joel pointed out: “Hear this, you leader of the people! Everyone listen! In all your history, has anything like this ever happened before? Tell your children about it in years to come. Pass the awful story down from generation to generation.” (Joel 1:2-3)

That was a surprise wasn’t it? Usually the scriptures we pop in our blogs are so uplifting! However, I think this verse highlights the way many of us actually live our lives; telling stories of offence, grief and hurt or repeating the mistakes and bad habits that have held back our parents. Telling our stories of brokenness over and over again does not undo the damage; it passes it on. By all means tell the story of what you have been through; we need that; but make sure you get to choose the ending. Make sure your story is one that leaves a legacy of hope and blessing for the generations to come.

Love, Ps. Alix      x

When Yes Means No and No Means Yes

http://www.motherandbaby.com.au/toddler/behaviour/2014/9/how-to-avoid-a-supermarket-tantrum/

The other day, whilst in the supermarket, I found myself listening to a conversation that went something like this:
“No, you can’t have it; put it back”.
“But mum pleeeeaaaassseee!”
“No, I told you, stop asking for things. If you ask for anything you’re not gonna get it. Now put it back!”
“But please mum. Just this once.”
“I said no! Now put it back!”
“But mum!”
“Do you want a smack?” (By the way I have never heard any child answer yes to this question). “It’s not fair, I just want one little chocolate, why can’t I have one?”
“I told you why, now put it back! I won’t ask you again”.

Naturally, the child did ask again and the poor mum finally relented and gave him the chocolate. This familiar scene brought several scriptures to mind. “Ask and it will be given to you” (Matt 7:7) and “there was a widow [boy] in that town [supermarket] who kept coming to him [her] with the plea” (Luke 18:1-8), but the one that resonates most for me as a mother is “let your “yes” be yes, and your “no” be no, or you will be condemned” (James 5:12).

Ouch, pretty harsh words, but how many times does this turn out to be true? Someone asks us for help and we agree to pitch in, we have great intentions at the time, but life gets in the way, or we have forgotten about something else we had to do, or we simply forget. The help doesn’t happen, the person gets hurt and let down and if this happens enough, that person will lose faith in us altogether. This is hard to admit, but I have even done this with my own children. I have promised to do something with them or for them and life got in the way or I prioritised something else over what I had told my children I would do. These instances certainly don’t help our relationships thrive, but do you know when it can be even more damaging? When we commit to do something we have promised ourselves and don’t do it. After all, we should be able to trust ourselves, shouldn’t we?
Stop and think for a minute how many times a day we tell ourselves we are going to do something or not do something. Here are some examples just in case you are stuck, ‘I must clean out my wardrobe, I can’t fit another thing in’; ‘I’ve gotta stop eating Tim Tams for afternoon tea or I’ll never lose weight’; ‘I’ve got to catch up with my friend for a coffee, I told her I’d give her a call’; ‘I told my husband I’d make his favourite dinner this week’. I think you get the picture.

Every time we let ourselves down like this we lose a bit more faith in ourselves and although they may seem like small things, over time they add up. Here’s the most cringe-worthy: ‘I must spend more time with God’. I can hear you all saying “but wait a minute, God is a god of grace and forgiveness”. Funny thing is, as much as I know that God will forgive me, I don’t let things go so easily. God knows this too and that’s why He’s given us His word, which has given me some encouragement on dealing with this predicament.

Step 1. Let my yes be yes and my no be no. (James 5:12).
When I say I’m going to do something or not do something, I do my best to make sure it happens. If I can’t fulfil a commitment, I reschedule so I am not letting anyone down, including myself!

Step 2. You have not because you ask not. (James 4:2).
Sometimes delegation is the answer. If I found I haven’t said ‘no’ enough and I have over committed, I offload some of the tasks around the house to another day or delegate them to others if I can. In other words, I ask for help.

Step 3. Faith without works is dead. (James 2:14-26).
Putting faith in others is sometimes a flawed plan because they may not adhere to Step 1 and I may find myself in danger of breaking Step 1 as well. So, I try to follow up on my requests for help and make sure the work is done.

Step 4. Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord. (Acts 3:19-21).
This is for when steps 1, 2 &3 fail. Sometimes despite all our efforts, good intentions and forward planning, we still mess up. If God can wipe out my sins then I should be able to do my part and turn to God instead of wallowing in self-pity. It seems sinful to keep railing on myself when God so graciously wipes the slate clean. After repenting to God, this scripture promises that we will receive refreshing from the Lord. I don’t know about you, but that sounds really good to me!

So next time you feel like giving in at the checkout, over committing or making a promise you can’t keep, remember what James said “Let your ‘yes’ be yes and your ‘no’ be no”.

I believe! (But, help me in my unbelief!)

For many years in my life the words, “I believe, help me in my unbelief” took a place in red semi permanent marker on my fridge. I put it on on my fridge because let’s face it, when we are home the fridge is a place of constant thoroughfare. These words occurred to me when I was about 21. I was living in a little 2 bedroom shack in Lauderdale with my (now) Husband, Eric; I wasn’t going to church; I was away from God. It was probably, for the most part, the only light allowed into my life at that very dark point in my life. My point is though, it was light. Every single day I thought this, prayed this, struggled with this. Eventually, when you think something and pray something enough, it starts to change things. It’s still something I regularly refer back to in my thoughts. When I am struggling or encouraging others in their journeys back to Jesus. I could almost say these words saved me but it wasn’t these words, it was the power of God breathed into these words that did the work in me.

The passage of scripture that these words appear in is interesting and I think there are many things to be learned from it. Many of you probably know it, the story in Mark 9 about the demon possessed boy. The Disciples had unsuccessfully tried to remove this demon from the boy and Jesus was frustrated that they didn’t have enough faith. Who has been there? In desperation, the boy’s father brought him to Jesus and asks Jesus if he CAN remove the demon.

Hold the phone. He wasn’t just asking him to do it, he was questioning his ability to!

Thankfully, Jesus’ response wasn’t, see you later, oh ye of little faith! And though I am not surprised he scoffed “If I CAN” I think his next response prompted the words that are critical to the issue. Jesus said, “anything is possible if a man believes,” to which the man promptly responded, “Oh I do believe but help me overcome my unbelief”.

It seems like he is contradicting himself, doesn’t it? How can belief and unbelief coexist like that? It’s the truth though. When we beseech something from God, there is often that small something within us that whispers, “Can he do that for me?” I’m pretty sure that demon had ravaged the boy’s life and severely impacted his family too. They were in desperate need of a miracle, for something to change. I think this is very human. I know I have wondered and dismissed myself from even asking because I doubted that God would do anything for me, which is a little bit ridiculous – it’s not like we don’t need to ask God for anything, on the contrary! However, that something within us tells us otherwise and we believe it.

So the crowds gathered and Jesus rebuked the demon, it left and the family was restored and healed. Hooray! Well, yes and no. As I read on I feel kind of sombre. I have a lot questions and the disciples did too. When they got home their conversations revolved around one question in particular: “Why couldn’t we do that?” I bet they got home feeling deflated; feeling like they had failed even. Thankfully, the answer wasn’t too far out of our realm: “This kind can be cast out only by prayer”.

We need to come to God and ask with hearts that believe. I don’t believe we need to put a blanket over our unbelief either. I think part of believing is acknowledging that you’re torn. It’s acknowledging ‘I need something to give but this little part of me just won’t let up.’

It took me a few years. There is still a faint red mark on my fridge from where those words used to be. Those words, those acknowledgements were powerful and effective. Choosing to say it daily, was taking decisive action. Even the days I looked at those words and rolled my eyes, I was still saying them to myself.

Whatever you are believing for, do not give up. Do not cease your petition. Do not cease getting others to pray with you and for you. Let us stand together as women of prayer. May these prayers rise up to our Heavenly Father and may we rest in him and find peace in him together. May we use every opportunity to let ourselves be nourished. Put your words from him in a place where you can see them every day. It works!

By Tenille

Freak Out Mode

Do you believe in miracles? My own belief in miracles fluctuates, if I’m honest, along a spectrum from sceptical to certain, most often coming to rest at a point marked ‘theoretical’. I believe that God is theoretically capable of performing miracles and therefore I am not discounting that he would do it for me, I am his favourite after all! Practically speaking though, I don’t see miracles all that often, which is fine, every day life is crazy enough for me most of the time, thank you very much!

Yesterday, however, I did get my very own miracle!

I lost my wallet over the weekend (no, that is not the miracle). We spent a fair portion of the weekend driving all over the state and I could’ve dropped it anywhere. There was no way I could retrace my steps. Most of you can relate to the horribly stressful feeling of a lost wallet (if you can’t, you must staple yours to your hand or something). There’s the feeling of limitation at having no easy access to your bank account and no ID. There’s the hassle of having to cancel all your cards. There’s the second-guessing about whether you’ll find your wallet as soon as you cancel your cards. There are the nightmares about whether you cancelled your cards too late. There’s being frustrated with yourself for being silly enough to misplace your wallet. There are endless suggestions from well-meaning friends (and husbands) who are guaranteed to be less likely to know the whereabouts of your missing wallet that you are. In this particular case, I was even more stressed, because this wallet was a treasured gift from my sister, so I liked it a lot, but more importantly, I was fearful of sisterly wrath.

Anyway, I spent a good three days in a state my husband affectionately refers to as Freak Out Mode, apparently it’s rather like Furby’s evil mode but more amusing (for him). I ransacked my house, cleaned out my car (a true indication of desperate times) and finally convinced myself it must be in my husband’s car, seeing as how I had kindly put fuel in it for him and the wallet had disappeared shortly thereafter. In full F.O.M I rang him at work and demanded that he drop everything, walk to his car park and search his car for my wallet. The poor man is familiar enough with a wife in Freak Out Mode to not argue at times like this. Naturally, he complied.

No wallet.

Naturally, I assumed that this meant he had not searched thoroughly enough (not altogether unfair if history is taken into account). I demanded a repeat performance, including under seats.

Still no wallet.

Anyway, my husband had had enough, he stuttered something vaguely reassuring, including the words ‘calm down’ and hung up, leaving me no other option than to spontaneously combust from sheer worry.

At this point, my favourite scripture to ignore popped into my head:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”. (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV)

Why is this one my favourite to ignore, I hear you ask? Well, because by relinquishing my cares to Jesus in prayer, I am also relinquishing control and that is uncomfortable for me. How on earth can I stop worrying and being anxious when I haven’t yet solved the problem?

In typical fashion for me, I didn’t actually acknowledge this gentle whisper from God, reminding me what his word says about worry, until I had exhausted all other options for fixing it myself. Who knows how long God had been trying to get my attention? I imagine I would’ve had a much more pleasant and peaceful few days if I had just listened?

So I prayed, a very unspiritual and grumpy prayer, but it was all I had at the time.

Fine, okay God. I know this is a very little thing in the grand scheme, but for me it is obscuring the big stuff right now. Please can you just tell me where my wallet is?

My wallet did not drop from Heaven, but I did feel a lot better having gained some perspective. For the first time in a couple of days, I was able to think about something other than the purchases my credit card might be making for some opportunist.

In fact, by the time I was driving home yesterday afternoon, I had completely forgotten about the whole scenario. I had already decided to get my husband to pick up dinner on his way home because he did not have a baby and pram, but he did have a wallet. However, as I approached our local supermarket, God spoke to me.

Buy some chicken.

I have received very clear and direct instructions from God on only a few occasions (that I am aware of) but that is by far the weirdest one ever. It turned out that chicken was on special, but that’s not the miraculous part. As I was chatting to the butcher, his colleague wandered out and did a double take as he saw me.
“Is your name Jennifer?”

Having determined my name, he then produced my lost wallet from behind the counter! Someone had found it lying in the street between our house and the shop and handed it in. I must’ve left it on top of Simon’s car and it had jumped ship somewhere on his way to work. The cashier who recognised me from my licence photo was on his way home, any later and I would’ve missed him.

I hope next time God is trying to get me to shut down my anxiety and opt for his peace instead, it won’t take me so long to listen.

Prayer and worry are opposites, you can’t do both at once. As with everything, you have the power to choose. You have no obligation to your sinful nature and peace that surpasses all understanding is real and it is for you! Let’s not be robbed by needing to fix everything ourselves. In the words of our most recent Disney princess, “let it go!”

A Winning Combination

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV)

I have a childhood memory that for me, sums up the word ‘fear’. I believe it is a universal memory; I’m sure something similar happens to everyone at some point during their childhood. This particular memory takes place at a Grand Final party, which is basically a religious festival for my family. I must have been very small, because I remember running through a forest of hairy man legs and blue jeans (the women must all have been in the kitchen taking a break from football). Anyway, I recall racing through the leg forest and throwing my child arms around my dad’s legs to be picked up.

Except…they weren’t my dad’s legs!

I can’t remember much from when I was that age, but I certainly remember that feeling of looking up at an unfamiliar face, realising that my search for certainty and belonging hadn’t worked out the way I wanted it to.

I wonder how many of us carry fears that we gained when, at some point along our journey, we looked up and realised…this is not going how I thought it would; my goal is in question… I am no longer in control.

This spirit of fear, it makes you wary of change, counsels you to trust nobody and encourages you to keep your life small and manageable.
But where did it come from?

The answer to that is probably unique to each one of us, but here is a truth that is universal:
That spirit of fear, it did NOT come God.
Fear is the inheritance that comes from accepting the world’s lies instead of God’s truth. Fear has always been used to control those who allow it. In particular, women have been controlled with weapons of fear throughout history. Think marketing, peer pressure, sexual objectification, chauvinism, perfectionism, the list could go on endlessly!

On the other hand, God replaces that Spirit of fear, the one that drives us to need to control our worlds, with the far more empowering spirit of self-control! When we are empowered to choose to respond to circumstances in his power and love, we no longer live in fear of being out of control.

If love is the motivation to discipline ourselves, God’s power is the capacity. Only in his freedom do we cease to be slaves to worldly mentality. When we make deliberate, intentional choices, instead of just reacting to circumstances, we become a force to be reckoned with; a force of power and love, instead of living as victims.

This world and it’s spirit of fear can only control you, if you choose not to control yourself. After all, yourself is the only thing you can ever truly control, and the only thing you should. I will never really be able to control how people treat me, but I am empowered by God’s love to control how I respond to them.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. (1 John 4:18 NLT)

If you are afraid sister, find a quiet place and experience his perfect love.